Well the past few days have been interesting days. Well not interesting as much as it’s been eye opening.
As everyone knows - I work for Avis in one of their Worldwide Reservation Centers and I’ve been there for almost 3 months. Well my training class is probably one of the best ever for the short amount of time that we’ve been at Avis and many of us were tightly nit. I’m talking about almost brothers/sisters.
Well we lost someone in Feb in a car crash and it was devistating to us all. Our little group shrank just a little more and we has to learn to adjust and move on.
Well this past Wednesday morning we had another person from our team who was in yet another car crash and unfortunatly he died on Thursday from massive head injuries.
Now let me tell you a little bit about him because lemme tell you - he and I were always competing at EVERYTHING and that’s what made my job fun (trying to one up him and my other friend Brian - WOW - Lemme tell ya what!).
Steven was only 21. He had been married and seperated from his wife, but they were working things out. She was preggo with his first kid and he was ALL about his baby! She lived down in Dallas and of course he’s here in Tulsa so he’d have to go to Dallas to dr’s appointments, etc. Well late Feb she had the baby and he was just estatic about it. He went MIA for a few days and we were all wondering if he’d ever come back, but sure enough he came back with pictures GALORE from the hospital! He was also attending Career Point along with trying to juggle Avis and his new father responsibilities. He loved his son, Sam to DEATH!
He was a very determined, bright, happy-go-lucky type of guy. He was Mr. GQ like as well. Very slick, everyone loved him, you couldn’t hate him because he could get under you skin and make you love him! I don’t think that Steven had ANY enemies, and if you hated him it wasn’t because of something he did.
Well I’ve had a hard time dealing with this. At first when I heard of the accident (I had actually heard about the accident first on the radio, but they weren’t naming names of course), but when I found out steven was involved I thought they were joking. I cried a bit and tried to pretend that Steven was just not going to show up to work. We sat beside each other and we’d talk ALL the time!
Anyway - So the past 2 days it’s been like a little weird without him (even though I SWEAR I hear his voice ALL the time!). Well today was the viewing. I’ve been on the line as to if I was going to go or not. Not being able to accept that this was really going on - I knew that I should probably go because it might help bring me closure and help me say goodbye. But the other part of me didn’t want to accept this. Well I finally decided that I would go.
It was a little funny at first because Steven was the type of guy who was EVERYWHERE! You wouldn’t find him in the same spot for 2 seconds. So to walk into a room and just see him laying there was a little odd. Secondly it didn’t look like Steven. The Steven that I knew was always smiling and joking around. He loved to have fun and that was all there was to it! I was alone for a few minutes. I was just sitting in a chair looking at him.
Then in walks his father, mother and brothers/sisters, wife and yes baby. Yeah - I felt a little uncomfortable because I sure as hell didn’t know who they were and I was fairly sure that they wouldn’t know who I was. Well I was COMPLETELY wrong!
His dad came over and started talking to me. At first it was just like general chit chat about the accident and whether or not he had ANY idea what was going on afterwards. Then I told him who I was and it was like this huge light just came on above him. He face lit up and he was like “You’re the one with the horses”. I just stood there floored. Then he went on to tell me how much he always heard about my pretty horses and how Steven always thought that I would be a big success in the show ring and how he wanted to go to the Nationals and take Sam with him so that he could get to know the horse show environment plus he wanted to see just exactly what showing was all about.
I mean by the end of this viewing I was completely and utterly missing Steven MORE than I was before. Steven was my “buddy”. He’d always come down our row calling out my name “NNNNAAAADDDDIIIIAAAA”. Or he’d just lean against our divider looking at the photos on my wall or playing with something on my desk. I always threatened to get bean bags or something to throw over the divider at him because he was always looking over it.
What makes this harder on the group is the fact that Brian got a promotion and was moved up to the 3rd floor to start his new job this week. For 2 days Steven, Renee and I were just sitting there staring at each other wishing Brian was with us. And now it’s just Renee and I sitting there just totally floored how this time last week it was the 4 of us and now it’s just us 2.
I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to write to the family, what I’m going to write to his son, and what I’m going to write to him to put in his casket. This isn’t something that I normally like to sit around and think about, but then again over the last few days it’s become very apparent to me that life could be over in the blink of an eye.
I know that I’ve started putting it all out on the table for people. Especially the last few days. I don’t want to ever die and have someone say “wow - I didn’t know that about her”.
Steven’s family is a great one - I can see why he was the way he was. His father and mother are very loving people who open their hearts and arms to complete strangers morning the loss of one of their sons. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to loose a child, but I definately can’t imagine “accepting” someone who you didn’t “know” before his death afterwards.
Tomorrow is the funeral and I know it’s going to be hard. There will be more tears shed than there has been in the past. I saw Steven’s Call Quality scores for last month - although not as high as mine his talk time and referral rates were better than mine. But I don’t know if anyone else believes in spirits on here, but since I found out about the accident and since I’ve come back to work - my talk time has been as low as Stevens was and it’s just really weird. I realize that sometimes something just “clicks”, but out of the blue like this?? I dunno. I feel steven around me at work. I’m sure that sounds creepy, but I do. His desk has been cleared off now and the only thing on it is a long stem rose I brought there for “him”. I couldn’t stand to look at a completely cleared desk any more.
Best Regards,
Nadia